10 STIGWOOD AVENUE

1992 was a rollercoaster ride for me...white knucklin' the safety bars going up the rickety wooden tracks. clickety clack. clickety clack. my car about to reach the top and drop 500 ft into the bermuda pink triangle. my cuz, john paul calls wooden rollercoasters "woodies" he is an avid six flags frequent rider and he has a map of the usa over his bunk beds and he thumbtacks all the amusement parks he has been too. he spends all winter collecting scrap metal from run down cars and camps out at the local junk yards for pipes, wires, and ol' tools...then spends the summers zig zaggin it thru the redwood forests in search of the ultimate coast. once, we were driving down rt 47 in his pickup and he saw a fridge on the side of the road. brakes locking. rubber burning. smacking my face into the dashboard so hard i chip my front tooth. my good diamond encrusted brass tooth. the amazing part he clocked it with his glass eye. actually, the world's oldest roller coaster in the world is in lakemont park in altoona, pa. I can see Leap The Dips rollercoaster from my house. ride that one to space mountain, sarah palin.
what year was it? oh yeah, 1992. NBC was wrapping up its last season of my bbf, the cosby show. i loved mr. hux's colorful sweaters. lisa bonet later went on to marry lenny kravitz. HELLO? enough said. it put a little bit of hope and sparkle into my baby blues and i thought i am going to move up from cart boy and i am going to be the asst. manager of the deli counter of the north cape may acme one day..and own a double wide trailer and find me a big ol' dark and handsome italian stallion to live happily ever after. SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH. sorry, i was daydreaming and starting weaving over the double yellow line and the 552 was comin' down the way from A/C. pull over by those bushes, i gotta drop the cosbys off at da pool. the summer of 1992 was magical. i started sleeping with my best friend's older brother. nothing beats the ice cream truck more than meeting on hot summer night on the back roads of pequannock, nj. bjs from BJ in the front seat of his shiny black jeep wrangler. off roadin' in the burbs. fuck those long lines at six flags. i built my own woodie and it was not out of leggos, jeffery. can i get a what? what? give a shout out to all my single lady giraffes all up in my toys r us parkin' lot. put your hooves up..... tail gatin' with barbie, ken, and the posse sizzlin' up burgers over the easy bake and doin' keg stands with those bad ass cabbage patch kids.
GO EAGLES GO.
i got double penetration in the summer of 92 when god created MELROSE PLACE. hello, a magical apartment complex built around beautiful people and an in ground pool. and the emmy goes to jesus christ. I feel like I am living in a modern real life version of the cosbys live on melrose place. HOWEVER, the skillet sistas ain't no doctors. they sure as hell go see a lot of them. i am sure they graduated from the 4 grade back in 1920. yeah, right. ABC 123. do they give out honorary degrees for being bitter old nasty bitches? All the beautiful people don't hang out in front of a pool filled with sparkling crystal clear 85 degree water..... they hang out in a fire rat trap called chowder. where you could catch herpes, a cheap vodka buzz, and head lice all in one trip. actually, i am throwing the word beautiful around very loosely. tony usually is in the back alley of the chalfonte smoking a true cigarette beating down the staff with "the ugly stick"
let's form a single line and believe me you all will get your turn. staff dinner is at 4:45 and first rule of thumb is MAKE SURE to wash your hands and dick after a night in CHOWDA. i must be going i have to plug in 10 stigwood avenue into my GPS. i am going to celebrate the last day of Kwanzaa with the huxtibles. we are going to skin a goat in the back of their brownstone and i pray to god that lucille is bringing those world famous rolls. i am sure dot and her children will come empty handed again.
SOMETHINGS NEVER CHANGE.