anti freeze geese aging cream by ralph lauren

i was up all night with the kids crying about the flock of geese getting turned into perdue ticker tape more like ground chicken confetti chili. i love sour cream and cheese on my chili. don't forget the scallions too. i heart mexicans and how they skillfully infusion beans, cheese, and minimum wage manual labor. i am working with a company out of philadelphia about opening a sandals resort style and/or club med style resort on the usa/mexico border. very third world feel. very boozey. lots of 600 thread count sheets and a lot more cruisin'. very glory hole in one. sex and the city meets taco bell? hmmmm, back to the drawing board and i have pinata making 101 at 1:30 pm at north cape may county college for the vocational work force of greater new jersey. try saying that with a mouthful of kashi, a cup of green tea in your hand, and a multi vitamin and a 1200 mg fish oil pill. i am so re fried fat camped out.
i am praying when we fly to san fran at the end of the month that there is a not peeps backlash and the airlines don't start racial profiling. i just keep thinkin' of that crazy sneaker bomber and how now everyone has to take off their shoes before they go thru security. are peeps going to have to fly with the cargo? are sales of peeps going to go down come this easter? are people going to think that every peep wants to fly into the engine of the plane and take it down into the nearest river. hopefully, there will be a miracle on howard street and some other group of animals will do something stupid to mankind to take the spotlight off peeps. maybe an alligator will shred a kid to pieces at disney world or maybe a tiger will hop the fence at the san diego zoo and take out a whole family of tourist from china. it is about 15 degrees here today in cape may, i am going to take the kids over to the local church and light a couple candles to pray for that fallen flock of geese and have faith that america will see peeps as the cuddley loving marshmallow filled confections we all grew up falling in love with. actually, what would be perfect is if a gang of pez held up a office building or connivance store and there was a hostage situation...that would bump the geese straight to the back page of the ny post.
p.s. there is a rumor going around those geese where canadian...that would explain A LOT!!!

a star is born

it is 11:47am and i still in my pj's. i have no energy to anything and actually i really don't have to do or go anywhere today if i don't want. how many people can say that? take that, dr. phil. WTF? i guess i had talk show turrets just then. a very rare disease for unemployed gay guys. brutal. i am only unemployed till april. easter bonnet snaps. i love jelly beans. actually, i don't like hollow bunnies. that is like candy for the poor and i also don't like white chocolate bunnies, eggs, or crosses. i do like when they pipe jesus christ on the cross with royal icing. sometimes the fudge packin' factory on the washington mall uses pretzel nuggets as the nails and real rose thorns for the crown. steve and dan own that shop. steve is a dirty top into pig play and water sports. dan is a big ol' bottom who is into preschool roleplay and his knickname on the lower cape may rainbow flags are people too bowling league is the lincoln tunnel. girlfriend, if she collected a toll for every car that went thru there, she would be richer than howard hughes. oh shit. i watched the aviator via netflix. cute. long. cate blanchett was fierce. cut. edit. print.
i moved my office up to room one in 309. some will understand that and some will be WTF in fiesta font. if i were a font i would have to say right now i would be escalido streak. that is just how i am rollin' up to this shit today. www.fonts.com so, i bought this shampoo this week and it called drama clean. so, i got all up in my grey gardens that is what i call my claw talon tub, p.s.
i lathered. i rinsed. i repeated that powerwash. i got fresh with my facial scrub. anyway, i think there is some leave extract in it. i started trippin' my face off and my rubber duckie grew horns and was chantin' some voddoo cult shit in hebrew. i totally jumped back and hit my head against the window pane and for a minute i thought i was going overboard the railing of a carnival cruise ship with my vodka gimlet in one hand and my kathie lee fruit basket in da other. well, i pulled my shit together and i was totally doin' a jett t. and i am not liscensed to teach that dance in n.j. we don't allow that dance in jangleville at all. but, mable jones sometimes has house parties in the summer under her cyprus tree and we drink moonshine, pop roofie dolls, and do the jett t till the rooster sing up the sun. back to the poo, so i washed my hair with drama clean and i went over to the brown room last night. i thought it was suppose to shield me from drama. i am going to keep this on the sweet n low for ya'll so i don't offend anyone. this is blog is suppose to be helpful and educational. so, i am going to give a tip. if you think that layering makeup on your face like wet cement is going make your eyes pop and your lipsticks don't always need to match your sweaters. pins are statement pieces. i know a lot of clowns that live for brick red blush. i fill the cracks in my walls with spackle not maybelline casper concealer. i should be working at the chanel counter at macys. i need to dial up my katie in montclair. see if she wants to do tea and crumps at diva lounge with ms. b brown. liquid eyeliner snaps. where are those cute greyhounds, daddy? the bottom line is you should not throw cheap makeup in glass houses and leave caddy to you husband. OH BY THE WAY HE IS GAY and i never knew people could be hollow like a marked down white chocolate bunny crying on the sale rack at CVS. i guess i feel like an asshole for believing that my shampoo would fend off drama. i gotta go now i am having a can of fruit cocktail for lunch. i was told the heavy syrup is made with kettle one. i hope i don't too boozey and pass out before general hospital.
oh by the way way gay, casper was a friendly ghost. BOO.

GUNS N WILD ORCHIDS

someone 'roof" ed my champ at the golden globes. i don't know if it was the boss or beauty and the beast aka mickey mouse rourke. he never forgot that i stole the show in wild orchid back in late 80's or was it 90's. i don't know but i woke up in drew barrymore's pool on a raft shaped like a watermelon on tuesday. yes, i missed 24 hours and superstars of dance. WTF. my left foot was in the pool the whole time so it looks like box of raisinettes. NOT CUTE. i think i may lose a toe nail or not. i have doogie comin' over to look at my talons in a bit. i was so upset that i made up for last night by having an extra helping of ina's apple pear crisp. i think jeffery tainted the fresh nutmeg with drano. i have been backed up since and i feel like i am dodging a wrecking ball every time i move my head. i don't care what anyone says some twat and i when i say that i mean a gentle pussy. i should be more clear. anyway, some bitch put down their nuvaring on my coffee table and left a ring on my imported oak table from malawi. it was gift from madge when she step n fetched david from a banana tree there. it was hard to get him to let go. kids from their have italian sausage fingers their. so forgive me if i have not been able to get to my office to blog. i am at LAX right now and I flying into A.C. I have to go a steam carpet cleaner convention at harrah's and i may go to the casino just to chain smoke winstons and put back a 12 pack of coors lights. CANS NOT BOTTLES. I am going to clearwater for the superbowl and I am staying at the kegs n eggs guesthouse. it is 340 a night with a keg in every room and an egg any style buffet with a fountain of ketchup and a toaster that shoots whole wheat 40 feet in the air. amazing race.
do you know how many licks to get to the center of toostie roll pop?
P.S. it is pet friendly. hello, peeps.
GO HAWKS GO. or is it crows? wait, eagles? or beagles? all the same animal bird or fowl?

AWAY GAME

i am attending the 27th annual beef n beer fest in jangleville, nj. i will be back on monday morning to tie on one with my blog. is it spring, yet?