RED, WHITE, AND BLACK N BLUE.

we survived another 4th of july weekend at camp. we played a mean game of potato wars and i always lose. dick decker was on my team and he was too busy washing his BLT down with a 40 of colt 45 his head was not in the game. that is what she said, dot and lucille won the three legged race...they won a 20 oz roadie of dewers. i was never was good at basketball or baseball. i am more of a "jacks" kind of girl or paper dolls. actually, i really was good at shrinky dinking. you know who is amazing at that too is tony. he took his whole apartment and shrunk it into one room in chowder hall. cue the music and the sound the alarms. 5:45am all the campers got a surprise wake up call last week.....is tony makin' smores again out of the trash can? he loves his chocolate and he loves it even more on a graham cracker. we had about 130 people show up for the BBQ. we fried a lot of chicken. by 8pm you could smell the burnt onions in the frying pans all the way at the tin house. turn on the fry daddy, girls. we watched the fireworks out on sewell street and they last 9 minutes which is a record cause last year they were 6.5 minutes...we should tear down the church on the washington mall and put up a macys so we can get some good fireworks in cape may. actually we should make that church into a nightclub like limelight in nyc....god likes the deep fried oreos in wildwood more than our busted fudge factory...the virgin mary really knows how to pack a mean fudge.....that is what joesph said. i have not had a real meal in days....eatting scrapes over the garbage can the past 7 days...jillene just came in with a hoagie from westside and i totally vinced her and took half of it....i felt like one of the flying rats that munches on the catfood in the backyard. gross. i have to get back to work. yes, i am working on a monday but worth it...katie and violet are coming to cape may tomorrow....thank god. i just want to let you all know that we have "suck my dick decker" t shirts back in stock in XXL. i have to turn into oprah today she has girls on who choose guys over their gays....i don't know if i know any girls like that? oh wait.......happy july 5th biotches.

pennies from heaven? nickels from hell?

i had a dream last night that i was adam lambert all glampussed up and then i woke face down in my twin bed without any sheets...still working on making my bed. mary jo could you be a doll and kiki down to the tin bin and freshen up my room before 4th of july weekend. i heard vince, my "professional" dishwasher and coon trapper, talking outside the tin house. i then realize that he was talking to my aunt patsy, aunt pauline, and cousin susan. wait were we front row at ms. lambert's concert? i rolled over and saw my aunt patsy peepin' thru the screen door. crusty eyed and still in a north wildwood dollar beer fog...i was mac n cheesin' on poosy hard last night...i think when i grow a beard i turn into a dyke and start making out with my gf's and i am all about big boobs. what the eyeliner?...i think my aunt patsy said we just got back from church and she would email me? tony told me last night that there was an ant in the microwave and he nuked it with his tea. it did not die. so, we are goin' to have this nuclear ant roamin' around the chalfonte? vince better set the trap. how much do you get for trappin' a monster ant? vince gets 45.00 dollars for catchin' a coon on the hotel property and 20.00 dollars for catchin' opossums. so, it would safe to say that ant must be worth at least 10.00? i don't need no ant stopping by the tin house to play a quick game of crazy 8's. i have to get back to work we open in 2 hours and i have not done any cooking yet? oh boy. i just got a note that a local came to breakfast last monday and we had pork roll and no baccon...so now we have to put bacon back on the breakfast buffet everyday and fried fish on friday, saturday, and sunday......here we go again and kiss my cutting my food cost down this season. the state of my fucking life. is it october yet? suck my dick decker, girls.

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, BITCHALISM?

i cannot even believe it has been so long since i had a post on this. WTF? my cans of forbidden fruit cocktail are all dented and rusty with a mild hint of botchalism. i could not even remember the website link i had to google myself. crazy gay guy? that is more screwed up than DC comics changing wonder woman's outfit.....black leggings? really? that is for lazy housewives or 12 year old girls still rockin' UGG boots. boring and very 4 hawt minutes ago. biker's jacket, too? what the dyke? is she goin' to a melissa e concert. shut it down. bring back that sporty bathsuit filled with supa powers. what have i been doin since i last post. Madrid. Paris. San Francisco. Lake Tahoe, thank you Mrs. Butson. San Francisco part two: the cilantro files. Florida. Flo rida actually is not a bad place to visit family and close friends, but other than that every road looks the same and crack head root beer barrel has a store inside of it? well, that is kind of cute cause it sells ol' school candies. JLC bought some chocolate covered nuts. i like my nuts dipped in kozy shack, by the way. I fell out of love with my so called future cape may husband and best friend and now realize I don't even want to spend the rest of my life in Cape May so why would I ever get involved with someone who lives here. Jersey Shore Boys? Let's keep that shit on MTV. I changed my relationship status more than I put glitter on things. Single. Engaged. Single. Engaged. Single. Married. Widowed. My mother always said I looked amazing in black chanel dresses.
A dishwasher, a landscaper, and a taco truck prep cook all walk into a bar and...........