in the past month of so i am starting to take on very ugly personality traits or my body is starting to show true signs that it in serious need of a new waxin' with a botox n glow and an IV of nasal spray. after 36 years and 20 of those years owning fredrica french fry, my beautiful sheba diva of a midnight black cat...who by the way had her front paws declawed but still used to run up trees only to fall off half way up....pure animal planet entertainment for a 7 year old girl. back to what i was trying to spit up...i realizing that i may now be allergic to cats...say what? i know. i had a fit over on sixth avenue a couple times...sneezing uncontrollable till a gallon of snot flew out onto my wool jcrew crewneck....do you know how hard it is to get mucus out of lambswool? it ain't pretty...then i was visiting my friend kate and she unleashed her 3 pussies from the back porch...i felt like somebody threw attic insulation in the heating vents and millions of glass bread crumbs were stuck to my contac lens...JLC told me your body is constantly changing....really? i did not notice all the lines in my forehead, grey hair, and the raccoon eyes pitching tents and setting up a senior citizen fat camp on my head.
i ain't having this next shat either.....to the most recent episode and it has me tossing and turning in my pj's. i was informed yesterday that i have started snoring as loud as lioniel richie...i don't actually what that means? But, if it makes your sleepover buddy retreat the fort and head for the lumpy slipcovered sofa...that ain't pretty. i was informed that if you are drunk that is one thing but snoring is not for the SOBER. so, last night i had another slumber party and i was panicing if a chainsaw was going to pop out of my right nostril and start chopping up stephen's elm trees for firewood. i kept saying sleep on your back, don't go on your side and most def. don't face him with your fog horn mouth. i think i did a bit better...i only got a couple taps in the middle of the night to shut the fuck up. i did wake up a couple of times from a bad dream that stephen opened a candy shop on the washington mall...and was so mean that he threw penny candy at people...i ain't saying shit about that...read into that whatever way you like, beyatches. it must have not been that bad because i did not wake up to an empty sleeping bag this morning.
what is next? i am going to be allergic to tuna fish in oil? horses? pansies and tulips?
better yet...i am going to start wetting the bed or sleeping walking onto broadway in my spider pig underoos? all i have to say is if that i start crapping my pjs and am allergic to vodka i am buying a one way first class ticket to bora bora and i am going to be a beachcomber and live off coconuts and plankton.
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