SIGNS

some might question where my dick is sometimes? i may sometimes push things to the limits. i watched the true hollywood story of janice dickinson and i felt like she was too much....is that callin' the supermodel whack? i mean sure back in my hay day runway days i did a lot of blow and booze. we did a lot of pill swappin' too. yeah know, i will trade you a malibu barbie for a strawberrry shortcake. did not really matter what they were it was more about....i hope i don't end up on the cover of the ny post or in bed with some random Z-lister. But, that all changed when i bought this fiber optic lady of guadalupe portrait from an old vegas show girl in berlin, new jersey. actually, i got it from a parking lot flea market. i so am going to get nailed by oprah when i go on to discuss my memoir. she is going to bitch slap me for over embellishin'. yeah know what oprah, everything looks better dipped in glitter...just like you look better in those big ol' diamond earrings...then "WE" both would forgot about how you hit 200 pounds again...shhhhhh, i won't tell anyone.... then you can make up some half ass online self help class and have your robot dr. wizard of oz tell everyone that it is as easy as 123. another 100 million in the bank, girl. $$$. then you and gail cane move to belize and live in the rainforest and come out of the damn closet.....i am jumping ahead. you first have to win and oscar and be vice president of the USA. Ok, back to the lady of guap. one night in the late 2000's. wtf? that does not sound as good as the late 80's....anyway, i saw a tear go down her cheek and i knew that she was crying out to me to get my life in order to stop dating unavailable assholes and to be a strong black woman. we don't got to be factory workers or lunch ladies....wait a fucking minute? i am thinking of that movie called Norma Linda Jackson where sally field went all black face and won an oscar. she really played ghetto to the "G" FYI: single ladies by beyonce. ABOUT LITTLE OL' ME. so, after that holy night, i vowed to go back to school and be single till Mr. Right came along and not settle for Mr. Right Now Will Do Because I Am Drunk As Hell. that would Mr. RNWDBIAD. was he in slumdog millionaire? i wanna sell slumdog hot dogs at the chalfonte hotel in a cart on the front porch and get one of those little indian kids to come sell them. we can put him on milk cart so he can reach the sauerkraut and relish. plus, we have better housing here than over there? to be honest, i don't really know where there is? i live at exit zero in nj we don't get indie movies here. HELLO NETFLIX, PEOPLE. I was going to pick up the mail for the hotel yesterday and on franklin street right next to my favorite family's house...shout out to the posse. i won't use their real last name because mama doesn't think this blog is for her eyes. it ain't everyone's cup of tea that is fuck sure. what? is pauly shore still alive? i have to go to the bathroom a lot this morning. WTF? i ate candy for the first time in weeks and i think my insides are telling me your not going to have a size 29 waist before june 1st eatting butterscotch krumpets, the raisin nette dancers, and a wawa iced coffee....really? really. i have a house guest. back the fuck up. back to my walk to the post. in a sea of washed out colors, i saw one beautiful bright yellow croctus smilin' at me. I SAID OH SHIT WINTER IS OVA. PAYCE. BRING ON MOTHA FUCKIN' SPRING, YO. HELLS TO THE YES, BOBBY B. that is my whitney houston. you should see me in my one man show this summer in the henry sawyer room it is called loose ends. it will be in the newsletter coming out march. i am doing the newsletter for the chalfonte this year. very glossy. lots of candid pics. lots of behind the scenes of the new renovations. the debut of my new column. this lip gloss is poppin', yo. i think everything happens for a reason and i think god or the virgin mary give us signs to lead us down the higher road in life...on the oh shit flip cup, last week the sign for the chalfonte hotel fell off the hotel in a wind storm after 130 years...what the hell does that mean? i don't know i have an email in to god asking what is in store for club chalfonte this summer and is the shit show gonna get picked up by NBC for another season.
in the name of the father.
in the name of the holy ghost.
in the name of fame...i wanna live forever....i wanna learn how to fly........
by the gay, i think i am totally getting ESPN and i am starting to see the future. weirds. RICE?