it has been 14 days since i last blogged. i feel like a teenage mom who gave birth at a bus stop on rt 47 and then threw my baby boy in a dumpster behind the burger king in rio grande. so many mixed emotions clouding me head. trying to rise above the sand and fog to make the right decision. i just did not think i could face everyone in cape may with a baby. the stares. the gossip. and don't get me started on what my local priest would think of me. oh shit. i fell in love with a local bartender who used to feed me free drinks and whispered sweet NOTHINGS in my ear about how i was like a best friend who he wanted to take the middle of the road with. OF COURSE, I LET HIM FUCK ME AND GET ME KNOCKED UP. my aunt marge always said, marry someone with less class than you. you will always will be prettier in the light. WTF? isn't that what botex and lifts are for? your suppose to marry someone who has a great relationship with their family, an amazing job and have enough lettuce to support your shoe fetish...shout out to fergie. HOLLA. if anything the only thing you should compromise on is their looks. it makes a lot of fucking sense if they are a tad on the ugly side.....then when that spotlight is burnin' a hole thru you....you will look like a fucking supermodel. will the real giselle stand UP?
so, this beyatch is back. i got a new 3G iphone glued to my side. i now own my personal gym. WTF? ya know what the clock is ticking..and this fag ain't gonna wake up one day 45 and wearing a XXL. jcrew don't come in that size. please, the only thing i am sleeping with these days is my dannon light n fit yogurt before 9pm. There is only 80 calories in it and I don't wake up feeling guilty about why the fuck i am sleeping over somebody's house that i am not having sex with or in a relationship with? angry? bitter? jaded? not really, just the simple true. i signed up to run the susan g komen race for the cure again in may. i have signed up to volunteer in NOLA to cook for 6 days. So, i guess I have been busy....but i should never be to busy to take a little time out of my day to blog. we all need our sugar. do they make sugar free gummy bears? i don't like sugar free jello it is has this foreign aftertaste....and not the turkish delight i love so much. you think you might give it a go then it slides down your throat and you ain't seein' it. kind of like when you get caught up in the moment and you let your older brother cum in your mouth. THAT IS NOT GOOD FOR BUSINESS. you are going to get shut down and the FOR RENT sign will be going up, ASAP. i was running today in cape may and i had this weird feeling that my ex boyfriend-best friend was going to pick me off with his jeep and i saw myself lying on the side of the road in a pool of blood in the dead of winter waiting for somebody to find me on the barren streets of cape may...then i snapped out of it and i laughed to myself. oh chris, he would never run you over with his car. why? because it is new and he would never want to dent it. he would rather just try to strangle you and throw your face into the counter in a room full of friends. sometimes you pick a candy out of the box and you bite into an awful orange creme filled chocolate. that is when you spit it out and wash your mouth out with kettle one. and say NEXT. i find it so much easier to fuck the ones with no class and never know their first names or cell numbers then try to do charity work. can you imagine me bringing that one home to JLC and me telling him he is like tom cruise in the movie, cocktail. really? really. let's leave the pity party to the poor people waiting on line for section 8 cheese and government bread. i do love a nice hearty soup in winter though. a nice minestrone. i should open a soup kitchen. screw that then i really would not have time to blog. i must go i have 10 more orders to fill before federal express comes picks up my battered wife gift baskets. sometimes you you have to turn lemonade into lemon souffle...and sometimes the only solution that makes sense is to run the mother fucker over with your jeep.
i am only getting my feet wet here children.
suck on this hard candy for awhile.
i will see ya tomorrow.
i never knew they made sour patch fags.
sometimes sweet and always bitter.
PAYCE BITCHES.
THIS TIME AROUND THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS.
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