i am reading a book called, how to get along with boys while drinking coffee in clearwater, florida on vacation. indy, the wendling dog, is howling at the today show. why? because he had been following the story about that little girl who went missing in florida and they founds some bones behind her house yesterday. i just had to give him a bacon strip to calm his nerves. it is going to be very touch and go with him today. the clouds are a thick roux this morning. i feel like i am still in cape may. NOT CUTE.
the book suggests how to eat certain foods....NUTS: use your fingers. do not crack hard-shelled nuts with your teeth. besides being dangerous, it looks bad.
actually, i would rather have greasy fingers while eatting my fried chicken sometimes if only the the jerk off sitting across from me would disappear into odorless vapors.
my grandfather, john...my mother's father...actually, i don't even know if that was his name? oh my god, now that looks bad. my grandpa was a bit boozey. he once drove me in his chocolate colored impala to pick up my brother, johnny, at his school. well, gramps got lost and we ended up on newark pompton turnpike in wayne, nj. well, we skipped over the double yellow lines and smacked right into the telephone pole. johnny's face bounced off the dashboard and his nose started raining blood...and i slide under the back seat and my legs were stuck under there. what does a grandfather do? he gets out and runs away down the highway......the guy at the gas station calls 911 thinking that we were kidnapped. pops was having a couple beers at lunch and was afraid he was going to get arrested....REALLY? really. we got a police escort home to 2 thorton drive. my mother went out to dunkin doughnuts and got a dozen for the family. when my brother, johnny opened them up they were ALL strawberry glazed with sprinkles. i was in heaven staring at all the pinky sugary confections winking back at me. my 3 brothers were all whining about why they all were strawberry. my mother looked over at me with a smirk on her face and just said flat out BECAUSE....... grandpa came home a bit later with JLC we never talked about what happened and i actually don't know if he ever got in trouble. that is the irish catholic way...you ignore everything in life that makes you uncomfortable....oh my god, i think a light bulb just went off in my head... i am sure JLC called in a favor with some judge or police chief. he was whipping up his magic even back in the 70's. ok, i have to go now because i am playing the black sheep in the xmas pageant down at the colored folks church in dunedin, florida. i will try my hardiest not to dry hump any of the other animals in the flock.
it is dangerous and it looks bad.
P.S. the story about grandpa fields is 100 true. shocked? i am not making shit up in my head again.
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