hands down i was in the dumps yesterday. it was a number 3 combo meal: tired with two sides: boys and so so glitter fries. i was staring off into airport space most of the day. by the time i got on the 552 my eyes were burning from being up on the road before the sun came up yesterday to go to the airport with katie. gf, i feel for you because that drive is not the look. all the priests bring the side by side shakes and boys to the yard...oh shit, sing it....SING IT LOUD MOTHA FUCKA. can i get a what? what? can i get a HOLY ROLLA PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE....nothing like breaking out into song in your coffee cup..shit, hit the brakes.... just when i thought there was no hope. I got on the 552 and let me tell ya it was like a big helping of ghetto sugar free fat free pudding. i think yesterday at the pudding bar they had butterscotch and german chocolate. sometimes they put too much coconut on top. so, i usually go lite on that. gets all stuck in my dentures and i usually don't have any floss with me, so i have to find something in my fanny pack to pick that shit out with. it turns into a chore. not cute.
back to the 227 i mean 552. there was a wigga aka black nig on the bus who was cryin' about how he was so hungry trying to get down to north cape may...yo, B i am so hungry yo that i feel my ribs comin thru my back....those people have to pack smart sensible treats for long trips like michelle's spiced nuts and katie's peppermint brownies..I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. then, he was bitchin about how a friend sayin' they eat all his food at his place...YO, I BRING MY OWN CHIPS and SO DO YOU. he ends up eatting the chips we leave there. REALLY? i never realized that chips were a staple household item. well, when your wearing a dirty wifebeater, your "sweat" pants are 10x too big for you and your talking about getting off at the booze bus stop to pick up a 6 pack and some pretzels..i guess chips are a meal. i cannot fucking imagine what they consider holiday chips?????? it is probably filet mignon and shrimp cocktail to them. P.S. i don't heart six pack beer drinkers. 1.cans. 2.bloated on malt and hops 3. cans.
next stop, an oreo couple with a irish coffee baby. they had more shit than you could imagine. breaking down this huge stroller, then a car seat-baby carry on seat, two huge diaper bags.....p.s. they were a nasty print. nothing cute or maybe a nice burberry plaid...they looked like a tacky lunch bag for your hautre ghetto coutre brown bag processed cheese slice and boiled ham sandwich on acme white bread. OOOOOH NOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO. the girl, who had a bit of a junk drawer when she came by my seat...she was soooooo out of breath..i was like "oh honey, you need an H20 tank. actually, i meant O2. oh my gawd, did you see oprah on the cover O for january. she is fat and thin. that is bananas. slim jim and bob's big boy. hmmmm, interesting.
there were some other scabs in the melting pot too, but i have to take this shit off of boil and let it simmer and get on with my day. let me just say that by the end of the 552, god shot me up with biggest needle of liquid crack and i was feeling no pain stumbling back to 309 howard street. i think FOX should do a show where they take millionaires who ride in limos, private jets, and helipcoters and make them take the 552 to from cape may to atlantic city. oh shit. now that is some good tv. i am back in my warm fuzzy banana bubble.....for now. the monkey is gonna jump back on my back friday. need to get my shots and stock up on raid. where else in the world can you ride next to a mexican dishwasher reading the lastest issue of mexico playboy where the playmate is dressed like a skanky slutty legs up in the air 24-7 virgin mary?
ONLY IN AMERICA.
ONLY ON THE 552.
FIGHT FOR THE RELEASE OF OUR TROOPS AND FREE PORN.
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