CHRISTMAS EVE OR ADAM AND STEVE

nothing says christmas like blissmas in the lovely town of maplewood. ms. k and mr. m throw a hell of a party. like to give a shout out to everyone that was wearing pearls last night. P.S. that was half the joint. christmas cords were in effect. santa's little helper was licking scraps of food of the floor. the rugs kept getting fucked up. that is a sign of a great sioree. the food was ol' school traditional hearty tasty food. no fucking cheese ball dyed the color of port wine and yellow dye #3. fierce crab cakes. a dip that i thought had lemon in it. actually that was my kettle and soda that had 5 lemons in it. MY MARTINI HAS 9 OLIVES IN IT. the only good thing about fruit in your cocktail is it tracks how many drinks you have. other than that, it is bad news and the only thing worse is when you wake up in the alley of the washington mall with your pants around your ankles. NOW THAT IS BAD ICE. don't mistake that with black ice. that is dot burton's son, who is a trannie drag queen coke whore "working" up in atlantic city. atlantic city is such a beautiful place. yeah, if your fucking high on crack whistling dixie thru your one chipped tooth.
SUGAR SNAP PEAS.
back to kissmissbliss. we took family photos in front of the tree. genie always cries tears of joy that she has a father that doesn't work in the dept of sanitation swingin off the back of a truck slinging other's people's recyclables. yeah, i am trying to be green this year. screw that shit. screw that whole foods organic food, eggs, milk, dish soap, toxic free bullshit. bring me a box of radon covered bananas and serve them to me on a Styrofoam plate and wash it with hot water. leave the water on. then throw the plate out of your car window while your driving your diesel VW to HOME DEPOT. support big business. i am leaving out the best part of the event they had ol' school smithfield style country ham. the one that is a salt lick. a baby fetus from a dodgey farmer's daughter abortion. banana nut crunch, beyatches. everyone was humpin the shit out of it. i just have to watch dot soak that shit all summer so we don't get along. we sit at different lunch tables and never play jacks together on the playground. i wear lacoste. she wears sears.
i have been out to eat 3 times today and is only 2pm. i heart jlc. he ironed my pillowcases and followed my socks and hung up my white t shirt to dry. he is waiting me on to get the ruler out to measure the table cloth to make sure it is the same length on the dining room table. sounds like my kind of xmas. he always told me he sent out 125 xmas cards in usa. 75 international. he has been getting zillions of cards, packages, and emails from priests in ireland. don't ya love that. he is upstairs peeling 4 pounds of fresh jumbo shrimp for the raw bar at cleary xmas.
i have to end this now because i have this tradition where i go down to the homeless shelter, the one where all those people live who have lost their houses and $$$ due to fire, water, or crack. i want to help out and reach out my hand to them during this time of year. i just reach out my hand to throw my cigarette out and i drive right by to hit starbucks drive-thru. maybe next year i won't litter and help somebody less fortune out. in the meantime, where is a mirror to check my lipgloss? never know who ya gonna run into in your hometown at the holidays.
p.s.s.s MOTHER NATURE GET OUT YOUR DARK GREEN CRAYON EARTH IS LOOKING A LITTLE SHABBY CHIC AND I HATE THAT LOOK.