i know i am a newbie at the bobbin' for blogs and i am getting emails from my peeps as to where my blog is? i should keep on this shit because i had such a jam packed weekend and my pussy is so tightly wrapped you would need a can opener to crack open this sardine can. i am at kate's in montclair..it is 11am..we just watched britney's vid for womanizer about 10 times on DVR. kate realizes now that she cannot live without a black wig and needs to start running to get her britney mojo back. keep ya updated on how that unplays.
madonna was a bit craisins. we had a sushi pre game before the show. i had 3 russian punches...don't ask me what sushi has to do with them? anyway, it was purple with lots of vodka and champange in it. kate got a sinus headache and was asking every random on the way into the show for advil. i think everyone thought that was a code word for coke or pot or crack? where is cokie roberts when ya need her? i miss her white gold straw.
i sat by myself in section 121. i met a married couple from galloway nj. they had a flask of vodka and one of black sambuca. needless to say i fricking sucking down sambuca on ice. in the middle of madge's opening number..two big security guards came with flashlights with this tool of a man. we had to get our tickets out because he was clueless where he was sitting.. well, my inner judy garland came out and i started having a diva fit. the guy was saying that i was in his seat..i said no your seat is next to me which all of my shit on it...new navy orvis blazer with shiny gold buttons and a silk pocket square...THANKS JLC...and my gangta down vest....he kept bitching..so, i told him i was going to fucking throw him into the next row if i could pick his fat ass up....the straight couple was eggin' my shit on...and it did help....well, he calmed down...only to realize that his wife/daughter were next to him. so, they both saw some crazy fag throwin shade and strands of pearls at their father. well, the icing on the black forest cake was that he had an actual CANE .i am not saying that we should give handicapped people a break. growing up JLC always parked in the handicap spot while i ran into the market to get some spam..actually, i think they should park farther away..they spend way too much time in their wheelchairs and now the powerized go carts the cruise around in now with the huge flags on them....they need their own bike line..and you know how much we get taxed for widening roads these days. we have enough problems after the last 8 years and we need to concentrating on britney's comeback..and that is bigger than the invention of fat free half n half.
so, i am going to stay at my cousin's glynis in closter. i am on the move again for a week. first atlantic city, now in montcair, then closter...then back to cape may. living out of the lacoste suitcases again. i am such a hot mess. i will tell you what i forgot to pack....M.I.A: flip flops..i hate slippers make my dogs sweat, my saline solution...have had my contacts in since saturday. not cute. huge bags under my eyes. the eye cream, depuffer, and the prep H is not going to help this....don't forget my under eye concealer and bronzer. ugh. it is so painful being 36 going on 70 in gay disco ball years. i forgot my regular sneakers and my boots. all i have is my running sneakers..which are gorgeous. but not 7 days straight...we will see if i even run while i am here. on top of that half the stuff i brought is dirty. need the washer/dryer on walnut st. STAT. the chimpmunk movie is on right now in the background and they are singing funky town. i feel like i just dropped a hit of acid and washed it down with a redbull/vodka. my hands are starting to shake..and i am seeing black spots out of corner of my eyes..if i start seeing blue birds with strands of flowers in their beaks i am going to lose my shit and puke up my starbucks on my macbook. really?
back to saturday night....or early sunday actually....kate ended up going to borgota to meet some cape may peeps aka dennis and alex the local photographer for the cape may rag, exit zero......it should be called zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
perfection. a game for all ages. i went to deja vu. it was very puerto rican and hard core lots of goya poom poom (look into that meaning)...you had to go thru a metal detector when you got in. love that. guns and gays. the perfect happy meal. just need a spongebob toy inside that is really a transformer flask in disguise....filled with kettel one. i am going to write ronnie mc d and do a power point on that shit
the jack and coke was flowing..i ended meeting a gay and his fag hag...we went to the other side of atlantic city to the westside lounge. SEEDY, KIDS... thank god for the madonna leftovers or it would have been tragic. i was dancing with 50 cent's gay body double, then i got tangled up in this queer sticker bush from outside philly...in the middle of giving free lap dances...i realized that my blazer and vest were on the dancefloor and everyone was dancing around that shit.
P.S. my wallet, iphone, all my plastic, and $$ in it. after i had a recovery mission..i sent my dancing kween on her way....did i go back to the marriott? HELL NO. ordering a jack/coke at 5am on a sunday morning is how i decided to wrap up the madonna mayhem with a big ol' sloppy ribbon on it. fast forward the beta to sunday night.... had a delish dinner with kate/paul at his cousin's in montclair. shout out to judy and tommy...perfect conversation..yummy pork with mango sauce and the sweets. judy introduced me to fried mayo. google it.
MONDAY 8:30PM i have had some tech difficulities getting on my blog today at my aunt riri's. so i am going to try to wrap this shit up finally.
on the bogart hall ithaca is gorges gossip wire...i heard this vicious rumor that joel rozen's wife had 6 babies...i mean all at once...and i was like doesn't he have 2 already...eight is enough was a very d list show and that does not to be anyone's reality....i was worried that joel was going to be shopping for his dress shirts and ties at walmart....and getting the scissors out to cut the plastic tie between his shoes off their sale rack..i am getting a rash just thinking about that...STOP. STOP. STOP. NO MORE ROLLBACKS. well, it was a rumor that went down the dixie cup phone chain.....meanwhile, back on the roof of plums, i feel lumpy mashed potatoes right now...jacked up on overflowin' candy dishes, sliced deli cheese, and pound cakes. closter is not FAT CAMP.
P.S. i left my brand new orvis blazer on the dancefloor of westside lounge. i hope that my scarf and blazer met up in purgatory where all the rest of my fashion floats around waiting for me.
i know something concrete for sure..when i am introduced to the devil..he is going to say...FYI christopher cleary....there is no music here, no booze, no smoking, no boys, and no disco balls.
THAT IS MY HELL PEOPLE.
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