four words for ya'll MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE FLOAT. actually, that is 5 words. yesterday i felt i had been hog tied with butchers twine and slowly released up into the skies over closter, nj by a team of 12. let me get the menu over with now: cornish hen, acorn squash, roasted yams, stuffing, beets, cranberry sauce, mashed potato, and for starters i had chips/dip and hummus/crackers to the point where i was licking the container with my fingers to get every last morsel of chic pea. not cute. oh, i forgot the warm apple pie from the farm(remind me to tell you about the local farm in closter, nj...girl, there is a story there!) and mrs. smith pumpkin pie. FAT CAMP STAT. i am going to be one of those chubby girls that people throw their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at in the lunch room and i run screaming with smuckers stuck all up in my pony tail. oh shit. however, i will be the star of the softball team. i had a dream last night that tony aka crazy Ethiopian was a campus killer at ithaca college aka like virginia tech and i was the head of the FBI team searching for him but he kept killing and getting away...oh yeah ithaca college was also an outside outlet mall..i think that is the pink side of my brain..gayin' up the dream..in the middle of the dream the guidance counselor that i had back in high school caught my ear and said that my blog was racist and written poorly. disclaimer: i write the blog as i speak or think: lots of run ons, chopped up thoughts, and no structure....HELLO.... i instantly woke up and was panic stricken. as i sat down to pee, i did not have my contact lens in and was not in the mood for water sports at 8am. i thought am i taking this too far? is this blog going to get into the wrong hands? is this going to set up a detour on the right path to my future happiness? is god going to be disappointed in me once again? is JLC going to pick up the stank of this with his superhero sense of smell?
i pulled up my fruit of the looms and said if the blacks, jews, dago guidos, wasps, meat and potato beer infested drunks, fags, dykes, sheets, and goya o boyas cannot take a joke...then beyonce said it best....I DON'T YOUR READY FOR MY JELLY...MY BLOG IS BOOTILIOUS BABY.
P.S. if your going out today to shop at the mall for black friday, your a hot mess it is like going out to a bar on new year's eve...all the amateurs. bumping into you and cannot carry themselves and spilling their cocktails all over you. NOT THE LOOK. GOTTA HO, JLC IS HERE.
P.S. P.S. THE DEVIL MADE ME DO THIS.
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