i just went to the a&p for my aunt riri..she was having a mini meltdown that she no groceries in the house for me to my cousin, glynis. so, i got the credit cards and car keys and went about my gal friday duties..well, i had to stand online for about 10 minutes at the deli counter...everyone must be making antipasto for thanksgiving..because EVERYONE was ordering a zillion pounds of meat. i got my cold cuts.... then breezed over to the fresh breads/sweets section...i was side tracked by the pies, cookies, muffins, and poundcakes....too many choices...so, i got all dizzy gillespie and started racing off what i thought was my shopping cart..only to see this dried prune sea leg claw reach out and pull it away from me...and i quickly turned around to see this old woman in these little glasses staring at me like i just raped her 15yr old grandson. i said very slowly to her....YOU NEED TO RELAX. NO ONE IS GOING TO STEAL YOUR RYE BREAD SWEETHEART. oh shit. she looked at me like i just ran over her jack russell....oops. as i sped off from my hit n run thinking i need to call my dr. and get some meds...maybes some valium or maybe a side by side shake of zanax and vicodin. i want whipped cream, cocoa powder and a cherry on top....then over the loudspeaker customer service said we got a bitchy fag in aisle 5 rustling up the turkey feathers of all the senior bettys up in here... i picked up a pumpkin pie from mrs. smith and i just learned that brooke shields plays hanana montana's mother on who wants to be a millionaire..... really? i did not know that piece of pop corn. actually, what is the most popular deli meat? a 1/2 pound of thumans ham, merideth....and by the way my aunt riri wants that shit sliced paper thin.
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